November 13, 2003

Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex

The classic essay Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex, by Larry Niven, is now online. This essay looks into what would happen if Superman actually had sex with Lois Lane.
Consider the driving urge between a man and a woman, the monomaniacal urge to achieve greater and greater penetration. Remember also that we are dealing with kryptonian muscles.

Superman would literally crush LL's body in his arms, while simultaneously ripping her open from crotch to sternum, gutting her like a trout.

Lastly, he'd blow off the top of her head.
So basically what we have is a hopeless situation. But not so fast. Larry does dive into options for Superman, so he doesn't end up killing the love of his life. Although I think Gold Kryptonite is a bit much. (think elephant gun and fly). A classic essay, full of goodness. (link via Boing Boing)
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